Wednesday, December 1, 2010

First Snow

Despite the nasty colds we both have, Autumn and I were able to go out and enjoy the first snow together today! Last year doesn't really count since she was only 2 months old and didn't understand a thing :-)

When Autumn woke up this morning, there was snow on the ground! I couldn't believe it! I was just telling my dad yesterday that it's not the same listening to Christmas music without snow. I do love snow, just not when I have to drive in it. And today, I didn't have to go anywhere. So I love snow today!!!

I brought Autumn to our slider door this morning and showed her the snow. She just stared and stared. Kept saying "pretty" and then "dada" and "bubba". Haha. Not sure why she was saying that. Maybe because they're out working and she's concerned about them coming home in the snow ;-) Right before lunch I brought her to the slider again and opened it for her to see the snow better. By then we already had 4 inches! She again, just stood there and stared. I tried to get her to touch it, but she wanted nothing to do with it. Just kept looking around.

After her nap, I bundled her up to go outside. I set her on the cement driveway at first and she just kept running around, wouldn't go near the snow. So I picked her up and set her in the snow. She didn't move an inch! Hahaha!!! Just stood there. She eventually did stick her glove and tried eating the snow. I think it was too cold for her. Then she started to whine and got close to crying. But quickly learned that she was capable of walking away and did just that. She wouldn't go near the snow again. But did enjoy walking around and laughing at Jade who was going insane in the snow. Jade absolutely loves the snow and I love playing with Jade in the snow. Jade is horrible at catching tennis balls. She lets them hit her in the face. But throw a snowball at Jade and she's golden. She'll catch them everytime!

I was finally able to upload some pics using my mom's camera. Mine is still broken, ugh. Eventually I'll get it fixed. I'm missing out on a lot. Enjoy :-)

Jade enjoying some time in the snow


Pondering going back in the snow.


What's all over me?


Starting to whine after I put her in the snow.


She wasn't too sure about the whole experience :-)

Monday, November 29, 2010

Stuffy at 3am

Autumn and I ended up with colds, again. Ugh! I feel so bad when she's stuffy. Not only is she grouchy and achy, but she doesn't really understand either. It's so difficult when she tries to nurse or even breath at night. She ended up waking up twice last night. 11:45 and then again at 3am. Part of our routine when she wakes up is to cuddle in the rocking chair a little bit. Then she'll push away from me and give me her "more" sign (to nurse). At 3am, she thought it was play time! I normally play music for her when she's nursing to help her relax and fall asleep. This time she was dancing to the music. Held her hands together and shaking them from side to side. Haha, it was really cute. Then she grabs my arms and tries to rock the rocking chair back and forth. I couldn't help but giggle and then she giggled herself! Ugh, I was not about to be awake at 3am!!! Especially since I was starting to feel the affects of my cold coming in. I finally got her to nurse (after using her boogie sucker) and she was asleep. Sigh. So nice. I didn't end up falling back asleep til after 5am. I hate having a cold. Not being able to breathe through my nose at night is one of the worst feeling. Sigh. Praying for a quick recovery, for both :-)

Friday, November 26, 2010

Thanksgiving

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I know I did :-) Autumn did wonderful as well. Wednesday afternoon we went over to Jordan's parent's house to celebrate Thanksgiving with them. Autumn did great. Playing with all the toys, didn't eat very well, but that's ok. I don't like Thanksgiving meals either (hehe). Thanksgiving day we went over to my aunt's in Fremont. I wasn't sure how Autumn was going to do because dinner was right during her second nap. Not only did she eat great, but she had a blast with all my cousins. I think I should mention that I'm the oldest of 22 cousins, the youngest being 20 months :-) I absolutely love all my younger cousins. They're a blast! They love Autumn as well. Constantly asking me to hold her and following her around showing her new toys to play with. My aunt has a very huge and open floor plan in her basement. So Autumn had a blast almost running around the whole time. Little football in hand, showing everyone, then running away. Haha. It was awesome and it wore her out good. We left around 4:20 to go to my grandparent's and she fell asleep not even 5 minutes after getting in the car. Slept for a good half hour then played at my grandparents for a while. Got home and was passed out by 7pm! Sigh, it was a good day!

I am going to say this again and again, I absolutely LOVE My Baby Can Talk series. I'm sure I've mentioned it here before, it's a sign language series. Encourages babies to sign everyday things. Autumn has learned SO much from their books and dvd series. We have a routine in the morning. Autumn eats her breakfast in her bumbo while watching one of the dvds. It's great! She sits quiet and eats while learning at the same time. Everyday I feel like she shows me a new sign. Yesterday we had to stop at the gas station on my way to my aunt's house. We all got out of the car (to get some drinks) and when we sat back in to leave, Autumn starting signing. I couldn't figure out what it was at first, but then I realized it was the sign for Car!!! We all, of course, praised her like crazy and she loved it! We kept telling her that we were in the car and she would sign again. Amazing! She's so proud too when she knows that she did something new. I love watching her eyes light up as we praise her :-)

We're still teaching Autumn a lot of animal sounds and she's amazing at them. She already knows dog, cat, lion/bear, monkey, fish (they don't make noise, but she can do the fish face), sheep and we're working on chicken and pig. It's great watching her try to mimic what I'm doing. She's place her fingers on my lips and really watch how my mouth is moving when I make the noises. One of her favorite books is a mammal's book (I think I mentioned that earlier) and we read that a lot and make funny animal noises. Good thing nobody records me cuz I'd sound pretty silly ;-) Oh the things we do for our children.

I've also been teaching Autumn body parts (with the help of my mother). I'll ask her where her nose is and she'll touch it, then touch my nose as well. So far she knows her nose, piggys (toes) and almost her bellybutton. When she's in the bath and sits her foot up out of the water, we like to say "Piggys, piggys, piggys, piggys!" while trying to tickle her toes. She loves it! Now she'll come up to me, sit in my lap and play with her piggys. Hehe. I love my silly girl.

Autumn's starting to become a chatter box now. Usually when she wakes up from her first nap is when she's the most talkative. She likes to squat and yell at the floor. Haha. It's like she talks all her energy to push out phrase or something. What a goof! Or when someone comes home (especially daddy). She'll yell at the across the room. And then if they leave her (to go to the bathroom or wash their hands), she gets upset. How dare they walk away from her! :-)

Again, I'm still having problems with my camera and computer. I'm bummed that I'm missing out on a lot of pictures, however, Autumn won't sit still long enough to take any pictures. Haha! I usually get an arm or a blurry Autumn now. Maybe I should invest in a camera with a faster shutter speed. Or a video camera. That's been on my wish list for a while. We'll see how Christmas turns out this year. Blessings to all!!!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Short, but sweet.

I find it's a little more sad to update my blog since I can't get pictures on my computer right now :-( I am working on it and I will get them back on, eventually!

Autumn is currently taking the longest nap she has ever taken! I put her down around 1:30ish today (after an exciting Ming Ten lunch with my dad and grandpa) and she's still sleeping. Should I mention that the time is currently 5:05pm? :-) Definitely got a lot of stuff done. I'm debating waking her up, but yesterday she took a long nap as well and ended up sleeping even better at night. So, I'm letting her sleep. I think I'll wake her up at 5:30, if she's not up by then.

Autumn has gotten to the stage where she loves to imitate people. She's getting better at all of her animal sounds and is learning more and more every day! I mentioned before that she loves books. One of her favorite is a Mammals book that more of a 3rd grader level, however, they do have pictures of animals and we go through and talk about each of them and the sounds they make. Even if a chimpanzee, gorilla and spider monkey make all the same noise, she doesn't care :-)

The other day my brother was opening one of Autumn's sign language books to the page with the slide on it and she immediately did the sign! I couldn't believe it! She's never even been on a slide!! I also was going through the book with her and got to the "please and thank you" pages and not only did she sign please, but she said it as well!!! Now she does it whenever we ask her to. It's amazing!

This has to be a short post because Autumn just woke up :-) I'll update more soon!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Animal Sounds

video

Autumn is learning animal sounds. At dinner we asked her different animal sounds and she we able to do them all! Not to mention her version of what grandpa sounds like. See if you can guess what the sound is supposed to be ;-)

(PS ~ Pardon the rice pieces on Autumn's head... hehehe)


Frustration and Halloween

Ugh... When it rains... It pours! Not only is my camera broken, but now my computer won't cooperate. I can't get my computer to recognize my sim cards to upload pictures... Really? Now my dad's computer (that I was using for a while) isn't working either. So now I can't skype with Jordan (who's in Georgia right now). I don't have a webcam on my computer. Neither does my mom. Since when do laptops not have webcams? LOL. Maybe ancient ones. My cell phone's starting to go down the drain too, but at least I'm getting a new one this weekend!!!

What can I say about Autumn? Besides the fact that she's all over the place? ;-) She's getting really good at walking now. Doesn't really need to balance herself anymore. She especially likes to walk around outside now. Check out new things. Getting away from mommy (hehe). Her sleep schedule hasn't improved much. She still wakes up at least once in the middle of the night. Usually an hour after I fall asleep. The funny thing is that I was out with friends the other night and Autumn woke up. My mom tried to feed her a bottle (cuz I usually nurse her) and Autumn wouldn't take it. So my mom just gave her a pacifier and she went right back to sleep for another 6 hours!!! Really?!?!?! Is that all it takes? Too bad that doesn't work for me. She sees me and it's "I WANT BOOBIE!!!" :-)

Autumn's found a new love for books. I'm reading to her all the time and I love it! I'm so glad she's interested in books :-) She'll bring them to me, usually the same books, and sit on my lap while I read to her. She really likes the "My Baby Can Talk", sign language, series. She's learned a lot of new signs just from me reading and showing her them. My favorite sign is "more". She uses it all the time. I think she really uses it more as "I want" instead of more. The past few days she'll nurse on one side, and then when I'm getting her ready for the next side, she'll sign "more". Hehe. It's so cute! I'm currently working on teaching her "please" and "thank you". She's a quick learner, so I'm sure she'll catch on in no time ;-)

I'm not a huge fan of Halloween. Celebrating demons and devils and witches is not how I was raised. But how can you resist getting free candy from neighbors? So we decided that we're gonna allow Autumn (and our kids) to dress up in appropriate costumes and keep them within the neighborhood and grandparents for trick-or-treating. That's what we were allowed as a kid and I didn't complain. So I dressed Autumn up as a pumpkin fairy this year and took her to a few of the neighbors. She had a couple bites of candy. Mommy helped her with the rest ;-) I wish I could show you some pictures, but obviously that's not happening right now.

Quick update about myself... I'm doing well. My days are getting better and better. I do find that I'm still super emotional about things in general. I'm starting to think that won't ever go away :-) A lot of my friend's are getting pregnant now. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I'm happy for them, I really am. I will admit that at times I'm a little jealous. Probably more so as I see their bellies grow and hear about their doctor's appointments and stuff. I know that everything's in God's timing and He knows the ultimate plan for our family. I'm starting to become a little more open about my miscarriage too. I find that sometimes I can't stop talking about it, to people who haven't heard the story in particular. I feel bad that I might be talking their ear off, especially to those who have already heard it time and time again. I dunno if this is normal or not. Hmmm... I'm just thankful that I'm finally starting to feel at peace.

Monday, October 11, 2010

My crazy life :-P

Ok, I need to update. I'm getting behind, on everything. I feel like I'm so disorganized. A lot of you have been sending me nice messages on facebook/email saying that you're thinking about me and praying for me. I grately appreciate it!!! It really makes me feel much better getting all the love and support from you guys. I'm trying really hard to respond to each of you. So I'm sorry if I don't get back to you right away. Like I said, I'm super disorganized right now :-( I can't wait for my life to get back into order again!

These past few days have been hard. It's been a month since our miscarriage. I thought it would have hit me harder than it has. I just went back to the numb stage again... I spent the whole day of my anniversary (with Jordan) running around and keeping myself busy. I wasn't sure why until I sat down and thought about it. I believe I was avoiding thinking about it. Then Jordan and I had a nice little fight and I way over reacted! I burst into tears and couldn't stop sobbing. I was holding it in for too long and finally broke down. I actually thought about watching a video of soldiers coming home to their families so that I could finally cry and let it out ;-)

A lot of my friends have reached out and said that they would be there if I ever needed to talk. But I don't even know where to start or what to say. I really need to talk and let it out. I notice that I'm starting to bottle things up right now. I think I'm just afraid that no one will understand what I say because I barely understand what's going on inside my head... Sigh

On a lighter note... Autumn is a WALKING MACHINE!!! She's absolutely everywhere! Her balanced has improved tremendously! She barely needs her arms up in the air. She loves running away from me and giggling. It's our new game. I love letting her run around. It's really nice. She's still finding things on the ground that our vacuum cleaner missed, can't wait for that stage to be over. I noticed yesterday that Autumn's 2 bottom side teeth are coming in. They both broke through the skin. No wonder she's been so fussy lately!! Its gonna be weird with her having more teeth. I love the 6 that she has right now :-) She's really getting used to the routine of having daddy home now! After her morning nap, we go into our room and wake daddy up. She loves it!!! It's gonna be weird when Jordan goes back to work. This morning we let Jordan sleep in a little bit and she said "da-da" all morning until he woke up.

Speaking of Jordan, he has his 6 week check-up on Wednesday. I really hope he gets the ok to go back to work, for both our sakes. Hehe. Don't get me wrong, I love having him home, but I definitely loved having my old routine and Jordan's bored out of his mind! He needs to be doing something again. He's been walking on his foot for the past week without crutches (with his boot on, of course). Although, he has walked on his foot without a boot a couple of times. It's improved so much since I brought him home from the hospital. I'm hoping he doesn't need a lot of physical therapy. We'll see I guess.

My parents have been gone for the past week in Montana. They took a 2 week vacation to go out there and visit relatives. Along with some site seeing there and back. It's been weird, having them gone. Jordan and I like it though. Kind of like having our own home. Hehe. I've been doing cleaning everyday and cooking meals everyday. I love it!!! I actually feel like a mother/house wife instead of some bum living off her parents. We're so close to getting our own home :-D I don't want to jinx myself, but I notice that so far a lot of our hospital bills are being covered by insurance. I've been praying that God will help us through this because with Jordan not working, we have no income. God has always taken care of us through the hard times and I'm starting to accept His long term plan for us instead of making my own.

Well, I would love to say that I have pictures to add on here, but my camera's broken right now. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with it. I'm sure I'll have to bring it in. I'm missing out on a lot of picture opportunities. I'm sure as soon as I get it fixed, my blog will be swimming with pictures!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Updates

It's definitely been a hard 2 weeks, emotionally. Autumn is a great distraction, but I found myself going on "auto" mode. Just kept going because I had to, but once Autumn was napping, I didn't do anything. I didn't really think about anything either. I just felt numb. I didn't like it. And even though it was supposively a normal phase in grieving , it still didn't feel right. After talking to a couple of people I found that it's really ok to feel this way. That my faith is God is keeping me sane and helping me to move on. I've also learned that it's actually really selfish to sit and cry all day long because then I'd be only thinking about myself and not Zakary. I feel that I cry at the appropriate times (usually at night, when I'm tired). I think about him every now and then, but I do realize that I can't dwell on him 24/7. I'll never forget him, but it's not fair to Jordan and Autumn to sit and do nothing all day because I can't get over him.

Last week Wednesday I went and got bloodwork done. This is a normal procedure to make sure that your body is no longer "pregnant". Thursday I ended up going to my doctor's office for a follow up appointment. The most exciting part was stepping on the scale because I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight (woo hoo). I also found out that my hcg levels were 425. Not sure what they were before this all happened... Got another pelvic exam and my doctor took out what he thought was my placenta. They sent it away for testing and I haven't heard back since (so I'm assuming everything's ok). My doctor said that he didn't feel the need for me to follow up on more bloodwork because he's pretty sure that he got everything out. Definitely made my day (I hate needles). He gave me some antibiotics for "just in case". Then gave me the ok to start trying again after my next period. Just to verify any confusion... Jordan and I decided that we're gonna wait til we get a house. That way we're not freaking out over last minute stuff to rush into a home :-)

Jordan and I ended up burrying Zakary's tree today. We ended up getting him a weeping cherry tree. We thought it was fitting for the situation and they're easy to transport. We'll end up moving the tree when we get our own place. We also burried Zakary as well. We ended up putting him in a different spot so that we too can move him to our new home. It was definitely a lot harder than I thought. I couldn't even place him down in the hole that Jordan dug up for him. Couldn't do it. Jordan did and I instantly went to tears. I thought I would feel a lot better after we finished too, but I don't. I feel very blah and on edge. I know that he's in a better place and someday we'll be able to meet him. I'm sure there's still a lot of emotions I haven't dealt with yet. I wasn't really sure how to handle most of them in the first place. I think I'm gonna be giving my aunt a call soon...

Autumn also turned 1 this past Sunday. I honestly cannot believe I have a 1 year old already! This year has flown by like crazy. I wrote Autumn a letter that I wanted to post on my blog. Now that my life is getting back in order, I'll make sure to post it and her birthday pictures soon. Her birthday was wonderful. It was perfect! The weather was beautiful and we had a great turnout! A lot of friends and family came to help celebrate her first year of life. She got the perfect amount of toys and clothes. Not too many of either. Thank you to all who came and made her day wonderful :-D

Autumn had her 12 month appointment this past Tuesday. She weighs 20 lbs, 6 oz and is 29 3/4 inches long!!! Her head circumference is still in the above 95th percentile (that's because I have one smart baby, hehe). She also got 3 shots (frown). These were a bit harder on her this time. Not to mention that she also had a cold that she was trying to get over as well. Ended up getting a mild fever and wouldn't go to bed without cuddling with mommy for a while. I won't lie, I didn't mind too much ;-) Autumn's still excelling in her growth and development. She's doing things that her pediatrician would expect in a 15 month old! Her pediatrician is also very proud of me for still nursing Autumn! Speaking of nursing... Now that things are slowly going back to normal (for my body), I'm gonna start working at producing more milk volume. I would like to be able to nurse fully at night instead of also giving her a bottle. I'm not too concerned, I've done it before.

I think this is enough updates for a while. I want to thank everyone for reading my blog and sending me your kind words, thoughts and prayers. It's amazing that so many of you have also gone through this situation and I'm honored that I was able to give some of you peace. I also want to let you know that I did mention before that we did take pictures of Zakary. I won't post them on my blog because I do not want to offend anyone, but feel free to ask. I have no problem sharing them with others. He really is a beautiful little baby. I love you, my friends and family, so much. You were all there for me when I needed you the most and I am forever grateful for that! God is good!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Lord Remembers

I started off typing a blog about Jordan's ankle, to fill you guys in on our interesting weekend. Things have taken another turn. If you follow me in facebook, you've probably already noticed my prayer request in the middle of the night.

(Just a note: I will go into detail with some things, so it may not be for the faint-hearted)

It all started Saturday. After Jordan's fun ankle breaking afternoon, I noticed that I was spotting. Not a big deal, it could happen during any normal pregnancy. So I just kept my eye on it. Tuesday afternoon it got worse. Some pretty bad cramping and heavier bleeding. I called my doctor right away and they suggested that I go to the urgent care center. We get there around 5pm and get all checked in. Finally able to get an ultra sound. This is where I started to feel like just another number. The tech rushed so fast through the whole thing and didn't really pay attention to me. I hated it! I could almost tell that something was wrong. I've seen my fair share of ultra sounds and the baby wasn't really moving (that I could tell). The tech tried to check the heart beat, nothing. Then she checked for the blood flow and still nothing. I didn't believe it though. I think I was in denial at this point. Nothing was confirmed yet, so I was trying to push it over and told myself that everything was ok. After a lovely pelvic exam and waiting for it seemed like an externity, the doctor finally came in to tell me the news...

I will never forget that day. That feeling. My world stopped, but my head didn't. I forgot who I was, where I was. The only thing I heard was "I'm so sorry". She didn't need to say anymore. I didn't want her to say anymore. I was trying to build myself up for that moment. Told myself that maybe I could get by with just choking up. Then I could cry at home. But when your heart stops and you can't feel your body anymore... it's uncontrolable. I couldn't stop crying.

The drive home was ok. I felt numb. My mind couldn't grasp what was going on. I immediately turned to God. I told myself that He ultimately is in control. He knows why this happened and the reason why it did happen. I didn't blame myself, I still don't blame myself. As much as this hurts, I realize that God has a big plan for us. Maybe the timing wasn't right. Maybe there was something wrong with the baby or my body wasn't ready. Who knows?! I was nervous about coming home. Mostly because I wasn't sure if Autumn was awake or sleeping. My parents were watching her. We finally left the urgent care center around 8ish and got home around 8:30. Telling my parents made me nervous as well. But I didn't have to say anything. The second we walked in, my mom saw my face and knew right away. We didn't say much, my parents and I. Talked a little bit about what happened at the urgent care. We may have talked a little bit more, but honestly, I don't remember. I feel like that night was a blur. Autumn was sleeping when we got home. I felt a lot better about that because if she tried nursing with me crying, she would have easily gotten stressed out and probably not go to sleep.

I called a couple of people that night. I was mostly eager to talk to an aunt that went through the same thing. She mostly talked about her situations and told me what to expect. It was needed. Even though I wasn't thrilled about hearing it. But listening to someone else's experience and outcomes of a few situations, helped me put into perspective what could happen so that I'm not freaking out. It also helped my decision to try and deliver the baby at home. My other option was a D&C, and that's something I really wanted to avoid, if at all possible.

I ended up taking a shower before going to bed. It was so nice. I probably sobbed the entire time. It was so needed. It felt so great, to just let it out. Cry until I couldn't cry anymore. I talked with God and even apologized to the little baby. I'm still not sure why. Maybe because I felt bad that I couldn't carry him. Maybe because I thought that he suffered. However, I quickly turned back to God. I told myself that he's much better off where he is right now, in Heaven. He's not suffering, he's waiting with Jesus. Waiting to meet his family someday.

I can't even to begin to describe all the feeling and emotions I went through during that shower. I must have felt everything at that one moment. It was very intense! I actually slept that night. I think the sheer exhaustion from Jordan's weekend and finding out our news just made me collapse. Autumn did wake up in the middle of the night and I was happy to nurse her. I actually felt more love for her at that moment than I did when she was born. I immediately thanked God for giving us this healthy, beautiful little girl (without any complications at all). Autumn actually gave me more comfort at that moment as well. Knowing that I'm capable of carrying a baby to full term makes me feel somewhat better about the situation at hand.

Wednesday we ended up going to my doctor's office. I originally had an ultra sound appointment to determine a due date, followed by a visit with one of their doctor's. But we had to switch to another doctor. I was comfortable with this doctor. I've had him before. This time was weird though. He came in and gave me a pelvic exam. Determined that my uterus was around 10 weeks. So his first conclusion was that he wanted to go ahead and proceed with the D&C. I refused. I told him that I would really prefer to deliver at home, if my body could handle it. He told me that at 8 weeks he would say go ahead. 10 weeks made him super uncomfortable (and he really, really stressed that). 12 weeks, absolutely not. Then he proceeded to tell me what I should expect from there. Talked about how I will probably bleed so much that a pad won't even hold it (even mentioned using a towel) and about taking ibuprofen. Did I mention that he actually told me where to buy it, the quantity and how much it costs? Sigh... Whatever, I was so ready to be done with him and his appointment. He suggested that we wait a week, see what happens, then talk about a possible D&C then. I agreed.

So I'm checking out from the doctor's office. Rescheduled with another doctor ;-) And it hit me, I was promised another ultra sound when I got here! To make sure that my uterus was ok and things are progressing. I was hurt, that I didn't get another one. Out of the corner of my eye I notice the ultra sound tech, Kelly. She quickly ran over to me and mentioned that she was super thrilled about seeing me on her schedule. Then I was gone and moved to another doctor. She was confused and found out that I had a miscarriage. She felt horrible and immediately I started crying. So she took me to another room, gave me a hug and asked me how I was doing and what I needed. I told her that I really wanted another ultra sound. The one we had at the urgent care center was too fast. I felt nothing and felt like I wasn't cared about. I really wanted to say 'bye' to our little baby. Kelly did just that. Gave me my ultra sound. Took the time to explain what we were seeing. The head, the arms and feet. I even noticed how much the inside of my uterus went down! Cut down in almost half. So it made me feel a lot better about my decision at delivering at home. When we were almost done, Kelly asked me if she could pray for us. What a woman! She's amazing. I felt so loved, treasured and felt like someone (in the hospital industry) actually cared about me and my feelings. I will never forget what Kelly did for me that day. It was so needed! God knew what I needed at that time and sent Kelly to me. I am forever grateful for her.

The next few days we spent waiting. The tears came and went. At times I actually felt numb. It didn't bother me seeing newborns or pregnant women and I didn't understand why. I still don't. Is it because I turned to God right away? Is it because I don't care? Is it because I really haven't hit the grieving process yet? I don't know. I was a little nervous about sharing this information with others. Especially some clients. But you know... I'm not ashamed. This happens to so many women on a daily basis! I'm not disappointed for sharing the news of my pregnancy on my blog. I feel like God provided this blog for me to help others (which I have so much already). So why can't I share my experience through this miscarriage in hopes that I help one woman through this process?

Friday night is when it started. I took a shower after Autumn went down for bed. Then the regular cramping started shortly after (around 9pm). We went to bed shortly after and the cramping continued. Progressively got stronger, but it didn't prevent me from sleeping. Autumn woke up at 12:30am and I noticed that my pad was full. So I nursed her back to sleep and changed my pad. Jordan then got a random text message from facebook. So I got up and went to check it because his phone will beep all night long if you don't stop it. As soon as I stood up, whoosh! Instantly filled the pad! Ugh... I honestly was really annoyed at that time. So I went upstairs and changed my pad, again. Went back to bed and that's when it hit me. A cramp that hurt so bad, it was definitely comparable to a contraction! I forgot how painful those things were. Poor Jordan. His arm probably had nail marks from me digging into his skin, but he didn't remember (thank goodness). Then, shortly after, I felt a huge POP and then a gush of fluid. Shortly followed by a huge relief. I never felt better. So again, I ran upstairs to change, yet again, into another pad (this was at 1:15am).

As I was sitting there, I noticed a grayish/pinkish blob on my pad. I knew that the doctor's wanted some sort of tissue sample, so I gently grabbed it with a kleenex. As soon as the turned the kleenex over, I immediately knew what it was. It was our baby! Laying there, so peaceful. So small! He was about the size of my thumb nail. What drew me in was his eyes. So dark, so defined. I couldn't believe I was holding our child!!! I sat the kleenex down and immediately went to tears. I got what I wanted. Delivered him at home. And yet I felt so empty. He was gone. He wasn't apart of me anymore. I will never get to know him here on earth. I was instantly brought back to when I hear the news. The world stopped, I couldn't breathe. I never felt so incomplete in my life! I again, immediately turned to God. Asked him for some strength, some comfort and that what I'm about to endure next will pass quickly and without complications.

My dad was still awake at this time. So I showed him our little baby. We brought him back to the bathroom and started taking pictures. I then went downstairs to Jordan to tell him what happened. However, it was quickly interrupted with a quick rush to the upstairs bathroom, with a towel in hand. I literally had a pool of blood in my pad. Then everything else started coming. Tissues, clots, placenta, who else knows. It was so uncomfortable and quite honestly, gross. I didn't like that feeling at all. I was really hoping that it passed quickly at this point.

I called the doctor on call shortly after 1:30am. The doctor on call was my own doctor (which was great). I told her that I was losing a lot of blood. I couldn't even wear a pad because it was coming so fast. I was definitely sporting a towel, with my dad's oversized robe (it was the closest thing I had). She told me that I should wait about an hour and if the bleeding didn't let up, then I had to go into the ER. My dad called my mom at work and let her know what happened. She told me that she could come home and bring us in if need be. Jordan wasn't able to drive and someone needed to be home with Autumn. I called my mom around 2:45 to let her know that the bleeding wasn't letting up. I was starting to feel weak and super light headed. She told me to give it another 30 min and if it didn't let up then, that we were gonna go in. 3:15 rolls around and it's actually worse. I felt so gross. I wanted this done! I got what I wanted, why did it have to continue like this? My mom was able to come home and bring us into the ER.

We get there around 4:15am. Did I mention that I'm still sporting my dad's oversized robe and bright red fuzzy socks? ;-) Sexy! Do you think I cared? NO! After getting checked in and all that fun stuff, I get hooked up to an IV. Ugh! I hate them. They had to do blood work as well. I was already light headed from losing so much blood, then nervous about needles, not to mention the blood they had to take for tests, just sent me over the edge. I never felt worse in my life. I honestly thought I was gonna die! I was laying down flat (just in case I passed out) and I just felt worse than worse. Thought I was gonna be sick and then my ears started ringing. I cried out and mentioned that I was beyond super naucious and the nurse went and checked to see if he could get me anything. I asked for the lights to be turned down along with a cold wash cloth. Then apologized because I thought I was so demanding (everyone reassured me that I wasn't). Then nurse came back with the good drugs and after a few seconds, I was feeling so much better!!!!

I then get another pelvic exam (good thing they don't really bother me) and the PA actually went in and scrapped out a lot of blood clots. It looked like there was a lot on the table, but it was nothing compared to what I've already passed. The PCA who was helping was such a sweetheart. Even though I don't mind pelvic exams, this was by far the most uncomfortable. The PA had to twist and turn the little tube thingy to make sure he got everything. The PCA saw that I was uncomfortable and placed her hand on my arm. I could tell that she knew how I felt and it made me feel better. Then the PA had to feel my uterus... Oh... My... WORD!!!! I wanted to jump out of my skin. Oh yes, I knew my uterus was there. THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!!!! :-/ After we were almost finished, the PCA mentioned that she too had a miscarriage and that they see them way too often in the ER. She knew what I felt and what I was going through and that made me feel so much better.

The PA explained that everything looked pretty good. I wasn't hemouraging and only had those handful of clots. He didn't think that we needed to do a D&C, but he still wanted to keep an eye on me for a little bit. A couple of liters of fluid later, I was feeling much better. I wasn't passing as much blood, I wasn't as light headed and my cramps were getting a little more tolerable. I was able to go home around 8am.

I am now on slight bed rest. I'm told to take it easy, so my sister is here helping Autumn right now. I have gone down in bleeding and praying that it continues to go down. I have another doctor's appointment on Thursday to make sure that everything's still ok and talk about where we go from here. That is, if I don't have to go in for complications before then.

I'm sure you've noticed that I've called the baby "he" throughout this blog. I felt that he was a boy from the beginning of the pregnancy. Same way I felt that Autumn was a girl as soon as I found out with her. I feel that this will help with my grieving process that I treat him like a human being. Jordan and I also decided to name him. His name is Zakary, which means "the Lord remembers". We thought it was fitting because the Lord remembers and knows every baby before their even conceived! Little Zakary is in a tiny box from the mother's day necklace Jordan got me. We will end up burrying him sometime next week along with a weeping cherry tree in his honor. Since we don't have our own home right now, he will be going to my grandparents. And since a weeping cherry tree is easily transported, we will be able to move it to our own home in the future.

This is a lot to take in. I'm still dealing with it. It not something that one can get over so easily, but I feel that talking about it and sharing it with you will help. I would never wish this upon anyone and pray that I will never experience this again. But God has a plan for everything. I feel it's already bringing Jordan and I closer! It's also helped me open up to him and others more, which I've always had a hard time with. I constantly live by the verse Jeremiah 29:11. I hold it dear to my heart and find that it has brought me comfort throughout all the trails and sufferings that I've been through.

Rest In Peace little Zakary! Mommy and Daddy love you and will never forget you!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Quick Update

Things are finally starting to look up in this pregnancy! I'm finally getting a little bit of energy back and I don't feel as sick at night anymore. It also helps that I'm really watching my diet and not eating as much at meals. I did, however, made Jordan go out last night and get me a snickers icecream bar. I've been craving it all week and it was driving me insane. And oh boy, did it taste good (sorry Jen, I couldn't resist). LOL! I never did that with Autumn's pregnancy. I had a few cravings, but I didn't make Jordan go out and get anything. So weird :-P

It's starting to get harder to sit down and imagine that I'm going to have a 1 year old, very soon! I cannot believe how fast this year has flown by. She's growing up so fast, right in front of my eyes. She's on the super fast track to walking now. She took her first steps towards daddy last week, followed by a few steps to me and then everyone else in the family. Now she's letting go of whatever she's holding to walk by herself! She's able to get a good 6 steps in before falling down. Sometimes she'll just stop, stand there for a little bit and then sit herself down. Such a big girl! She's so proud of herself too. Claps everytime she walks somewhere and has the biggest smile on her face when she's walking towards sometime.

I've also been teaching Autumn sign language. She already knows several signs... Dog, more and eat. She absolutely loves Jade! Every morning, after I nurse her, she immediately signs "dog" and looks for Jade. Autumn even knows how to say dog as well :-)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Routines

I absolutely love having Autumn on a routine now. I wasn't really strick about it before, I just went by her cues. However, she might be telling me that she's tired while I'm out doing hair. Nice timing. So after a few weeks of really watching her and writing down times, I finally got Autumn down on a really great schedule! I'm able to schedule hair appointments or babysitters around it now. It's great! Autumn's much happier too. She's been a little crabbier lately, but that's beside the point (I blame it on the fact that she's a girl, hehe).

Nursing has been a little sensitive now. It comes and goes, depending on how I feel. It's not enough to make me quit though. I just tip my head back, close my eyes and relax. The feeling goes away because I focus on the fact that I'm nourishing Autumn, instead of my ever so sensitive... yup :-) I notice that my milk is starting to go down again. The biggest change I've noticed is at night. Autumn usually wakes up from her afternoon nap around 3pm. We then eat dinner around 5:30 - 6pm and then Autumn goes down for bed anywhere from 7 - 8pm. In between waking up and dinner, Autumn usually likes to nurse. But now that my milk supply is going down, I find it difficult to get the supply back up for Autumn to have a full tummy when she goes to bed. I really did not want to give her a bottle at night. That is our alone time, she nurses the longest and cuddles more with me. So I thought, why not give her a bottle after her nap? I've got plenty of breast milk stored from several months ago. Might as well use it! So I tried that today. It was a little sad, watching Autumn take a bottle. She's never been able to do that when I'm in the same room. She took it like a champ though. Sucked the whole thing down! So here comes night time. I'm full and ready to nurse. Autumn ate extremely well! She even fell asleep while nursing!!! I cannot remember the last time she did that! Every other night she was getting fussy because my let-down wasn't coming fast enough for her. And then she would wake up a couple of hours later because she wasn't full enough to last her through the night. We'll see how tonight goes.

I'm starting to feel a little worse now. There were several days that went by where I felt fine, but now it's a daily thing. I keep my lemon drops handy, try to eat less at meals and more often. I'm eating healthier this pregnancy too. I am not gaining 49 lbs again!!! Less carbs, more veggies. Less sugar, more water. Less salt too. That'll be hard, I was obsessed with pickles while I was pregnant with Autumn. Ate a lot of them at every meal. Haha. We'll see what my cravings are now. One more month until my ultra sound! I can't wait. However, that means that much closer to Autumn turning 1... Sigh... I'm not ready.

I'm sorry I haven't been posting pictures. My labtop is out of comission right now, so I've been using my dad's laptop (help me convince him to give me this laptop, hehe). And I've been so exhausted that I've hardly taken any pictures at all... I'm hoping to start feeling better in the next month. However, feel free to come over and take pictures for me anytime ;-)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

In the beginning...

So by now you've probably heard the exciting news! If not... Where have you been? ;-) We're both very excited, however, I'm a little nervous. I can't believe we're going to have another baby!!! I just have to keep reminding myself that the baby isn't coming right away. It takes time for the little one to grow. So this means the car and house hunt are in full force now! As much as we love living at my parent's (me so more than Jordan, lol). We definitely need our own space now. This house is getting smaller by the day!

Let me update you on the pregnancy so far. I'm not 100% sure how far along I am because I haven't had a period since before Autumn was born (nice, I know). I'm still breastfeeding Autumn about 6/7 times a day, but let me be the one to tell you, don't rely on that as your birth control (hehe). I started noticing that things were a little bit different about myself. It first started when I was getting super exhausted, even though Autumn was starting to sleep through the night. I would find myself falling asleep while chatting on facebook. I just had no energy what-so-ever. Next came waxing my eyebrows. I do that on a regular basis. But right before I found out, IT HURT!!!! I've been doing my eyebrows for over 6 years now. It never hurts! Then I noticed that some of Autumn's things started smelling funny. Like her night time lavender lotion, smelled horrible! Also, the butt wipe solution I use with her cloth wipes, smell disgusting. The last thing that tipped me off was the night before Jordan's birthday. I felt SOOO sick to my stomach! I first blamed it on the (homemade) pizza I had for dinner, but this felt different. I didn't feel like I was over stuffed or sick, I felt pregnant!!!!

So the next afternoon I took a pregnancy test. Sure enough, it was positive!!! My heart dropped to the floor. I absolutely could not believe it. So I brought Jordan inside (he took the day off for his birthday) and showed him the test. Just like last time, he was (and is) super excited!!! So then the next morning I took another test, just to be sure. Sure enough, it was positive again. So then I called my doctor and explained to them that I'm nursing and don't have a period, blah blah blah :-) Next comes the bloodwork (my least favorite part). My hCG levels were around 101.3 and then 2 days later were around 303.9. Confirmed again! Definitely pregnant. A friend of mine and I did some research and figured that I was around 4/5 weeks at that time. So that puts me around the 7/8 week mark right now. However, on Sept 8th I will have an ultra sound and my first doctor's appointment to confirm the due date. I'm thinking sometime in March (which sounds wonderful to me).

The next part was fun. We decided to surprise our parents. We have 3 birthdays within a week of each other in my family (Jordan's, my brother's and my dad's). So we had Jordan's parents over and one side of my grandparents over for a party. At the end of the gifts, we gave the parents and grandparents a box. In the box was a picture frame. In the picture frame was a picture of Autumn in her Big Sister t-shirt that I made for her (you can't find them in her size, hehe). My grandma figured it out first, then Jordans' mom and my mom last. She's a little slow, hehe (love you mom!). They were definitely surprised and we had fun doing it! Although, keeping a pregnancy from my mother (if you know her) is a VERY hard thing to do!!!

Jordan and I are definitely looking forward to adding another chapter into our life. We were planning on having our kids somewhat close, just not this close. But you know? God has other plans for us and we never doubted Him with Autumn! He truely blessed us with a beautiful, healthy daughter who means the world to us! We cannot imagine life without her and we're looking foward to another beautiful baby to bring into this world. I look foward to sharing my story, again, through this blog and hope that you will enjoy it as well!

PS ~ I think it's a boy ;-)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Monday, August 2, 2010

Father's Love

Many of you know that Jordan had to go to Tennessee for over a week and a half for work. It was hard, having him gone! Even though I don't think Autumn really understood, I could tell that she knew something wasn't right. We tried to talk online through video chat as much as we could with Autumn. She loved it! The first time she didn't understand (it didn't help that she was tired) but then she figured out that daddy was on there and would get happy to see him! Well, Jordan finally came home really early last Friday morning. After sleeping in for a while, I had Autumn wake him up. This is one of her favorite things to do! She'll sit next to him and slap him with both of her hands. Hehe. This time was really different. She'll squealed with excitement! Not to mention that Jordan was SOOO excited to finally hold her again. Now if you've been reading my my blog for a while, you know that Autumn doesn't giggle (much). This time, however, Jordan got her to FULL FORCE giggled, really loud! Oh, my, goodness. It made me smile and laugh so much that it brought tears to my eyes!!! I love the bond that those two have been creating between themselves. Autumn is so blessed to have such a wonderful daddy like Jordan. She's so happy now that he's home. They play together every evening and he's been getting her to giggle more often now. Jordan definitely has the magic touch!

Thank you Jordan, for being such a wonderful daddy!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Memories

It's hard to believe that Autumn's already 10 months old. I feel like it was only yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital. She couldn't even hold her head up yet. Very dependant on me for everything. Especially food. Now she's crawling all over the place, eating table food, and learning how to communicate through signing.

I took some time to sit back and think of how blessed I am to be Autumn's mother. How she started as nothing more than an egg inside my womb that grew rapidly over the course of 9 months. The first time I felt her kicking. The warmth I felt knowing that I was supporting life inside me. Jordan feeling Autumn kicking for the first time. How grossed out he was and yet so excited that he helped create life! To the birth of our beautiful baby girl that took my breath away the moment I saw her!! Seeing Jordan's face when he realized that he was a father for the first time. The first time nursing Autumn, realizing that I will be supporting this life, again, through the works of my body. Through the milestones she's already accomplished. Holding her head up, pushing her chest up, sitting up, crawling, pulling herself up, going up stairs, and now walking around furniature. I melted the first time she smiled at me, realized who I was and then called me "mama". It's sad to watch her cry when she needs me, and yet so comforting knowing that we have this special bond between us that I pray will continue to grow throughout her life. I cannot imagine a life without her. Being a mother is one of the best lifetime experiences that I've ever gone through.

Autumn and I are also so blessed to have Jordan in our lives. That he is able to work so hard to have me stay at home and experience everyday with her! I cannot imagine missing a single day in her life!! Jordan is such a great father, he loves his little girl so much! And I love him more and more everyday just watching him create a special father/daughter bond that will shape her future for the better. God knew what he was doing when he placed Autumn in our life. I think Him everyday for her!!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Sleep illusions...

Last night was an interesting night... Autumn woke up at 4:30am. Which I thought was great, another 9 hours straight through the night. So I went into her room and nursed her. While I was nursing her I noticed that I was as "full" as I was the previous night. But I just blew it off thinking that my body already regulated itself. After she fell asleep, I went upstairs and made Jordan's lunch for him. Grabbed a glass of water and went back to bed. I opened our bedroom door, looked at the alarm clock and realized that it was 1:54am!!!!! Oh goodness... No wonder I wasn't as full. Little stinker. She was probably thinking "WOO HOO!!!" I blame it on the lack of sleep I've been getting, hehe. She then woke up again at 5:30am, nursed back to sleep until 7:30am. Hopefully tonight will go better :-)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Pictures!

Enjoying a day at the zoo with friends.


Peek-a-boo!


Aftermath of a teething biscuit.




Check out the gap in between her top teeth!
This is where she'll eventually have to have surgery.


Autumn's new favorite way to play with her toys!


Enjoying the afternoon outside.


I have a very happy baby!


Showing off her teething necklace!




My favorite pic right now!
She has her father's facial expressions :-)

Sleep training... Again???

Here we go again... Sleep training! I've tried my fair share of sleep training. They all seem to work, until something happens. A cold. Shots from a doctor's appointment. Major milestone in development. So here I am, trying it again. I pray that this works, because I'm tired. Exhausted is more like it. Tonight will be night number 3. The first night went really well. I always expect the worst for Autumn, but she's a trooper! She woke up at 12:30am and I laid her down on her tummy and told her to go "na-night" and that mommy was there. What's different this time is that I stay with her the whole time. So that she understands that she's not alone and I will always be there if she really needs me. She fell asleep within 10 minutes. Hardly fought it. I thought it was too good to be true. She then woke up again at 4:30am. I did the same thing, laid her down on her tummy and went through the routine. Asleep within 5 minutes.... CRAZY!!! But that time was too good to be true! She was awake within 15 minutes, WIDE awake!!! She wanted to play. I tried really hard to get her to sleep, but she wanted nothing to do with it. And I did not want to stay awake until her normal wake time trying to get her to sleep. So I gave in :-( Last night was much, much better. Autumn went down at 7:30pm and woke up at 4:30am!!! All by herself :-D I picked her up right away and nursed her. Then it hit me... Shouldn't I be sleep training her? Haha. Oh well, I think 9 hours deserves a good nursing (and I was hurting too). I'm praying for another good night tonight. Mommy deserves it.

Wow, where do I begin on Autumn? She's everywhere!!! Literally. A house can never be baby proofed enough for this child. She's crawling, fast. Pulling herself onto everything. Walking around furniture. She learned how to climb up stairs, with mommy's help. I was curious one day if she could and she did. Right up the flight of stairs!!! She was so proud! Then she figured out that going up the stairs leads to tubby time, so she tries to go there every chance she can. I've learned to barricade her into the family room with me. Hehe.

Autumn now has 4 teeth, 2 top and 2 bottom. And a huge gap in between the top 2. Thanks to mama, hehe. She's going to have to have surgery, who knows when... I think I was in elementary school when I had the surgery done. But mine wasn't as bad as Autumn's is :-) That's one of the first things I noticed when she was born, besides her dimples! At Autumn's 9 month appointment, she weighed 19 lbs 1 oz and the doctor recorded that she was 27 3/4 in long. However, at her 6 mth appointment she was 27 1/2 in long... So I knew for a fact that that was wrong! My mom and I remeasured her and we got 29 inches. That sounds better!

Autumn loves eating solids now. She eats almost everything we eat at the table. She does, however, still loves her boobie juice. She always saves enough room for a full serving of boobie juice :-) I love it. I probably still nurse her around 3 - 5 times a day and sometimes a couple at night (depending on how long she sleeps). I'm not giving up anytime soon. It's so healthy for Autumn!!! And that bonding time that we have between us is the best!

The cutest thing that Autumn's been doing lately is dropping her toys from her highchair and saying "ut-oh". It's sooooo cute!!! She says it so well. Took her only a weekend to master it. She works really hard at imitating and can master just about anything you throw her way. I just started teaching her sign-language from the My Baby Can Talk series. It's great! I've been reading Autumn her books everyday. She loves them. Sits down in front of me, facing me and we go through the book and signs together. Somedays she's not super interested. Other days she's really into what I'm doing and you can see her little wheels a turning in her brain!

Well, Autumn's nudging me to play with her, so I'm off. I'll update with pictures later.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Misc...

I never know how to start these blog entries... LOL :-P

I'm really enjoying the idea of having children (well, only one right now... I'm not pregnant). Last week Monday, Kate and I took Autumn and Danielle (little girl I was babysitting) to the Gardens for the afternoon. They both really enjoyed the scenery and didn't mind sitting in their strollers for a while. I just loved watching Autumn's mind getting stimulated by all the new things she's seeing. Watching her want to reach out and touch new things. Smiling when she sees something that she likes. It's so heart warming. It was a successful afternoon, both of the girls passed out by the time we got home. Definitely keeping that in mind next time I need to babysit Danielle!

Today, Autumn and I ended up going to the zoo with Julie and her brother Timmy. Last time I took Autumn to the zoo she didn't show much interest. Unless it was super close to her face. Now she's noticing things a little further away. Likes to point if she likes it. Autumn loved the penguins! They were swimming all over the place in front of her. She was in awe! I had to entertain Autumn a little more than normal. I think she was a little fussy from the humidity and the fact that she's getting over a cold. My new favorite item for Autumn, my CamelBak water bottle. I found out on the plane that she's able to suck up water from it, and she loves it! Even cries when I take it away (which is new). On the way home from the zoo, she was fussy. So I stuck the water bottle next to her legs so that she could reach the sippy part, and she drank almost 8oz the whole way home!

Autumn officially has 3 teeth now. The top right tooth has come in and the left is working its way through. So glad her new teething necklace came in! Definitely was a long 5 days without her teething necklace :-) Doesn't help that she developed a cold as well. She's finally on the mend, but definitely didn't help her sleep schedule or mine for that matter. I found some organic teething biscuits at Meijer the other day. They're made with maple, so the whole house smells like pancakes whenever she's playing with them. And boy, can she make a mess!!! The whole bottom half of her face is brown, her arms are brown and her bib is all brown when she's teething on it. Did I mention that she loves them? ;-)

Blowing bubbles from her mouth is something that she learned from being sick :-) Autumn also knows how to clap now too! She's getting riskier when it comes to trying to stand on her own or with little balance. She really knows that there is a world outside of the family room now and regularly will go and explore it. Which means a lot of running around for mommy! Today was hilarious! Sitting on the couch with Autumn, she was attempting to nurse on my arm... She thought it was silly so she started blowing raspberries with her mouth. Then ended up putting her mouth on my arm and blew a raspberry (a very loud one) on it! She was so shocked by the noise!! She wasn't sure if it came from her mouth or my arm. Haha. Adorable!

Yesterday was Jordan's first Father's Day! Autumn and I woke him up with breakfast in bed. She enjoyed that very much. We then went to our Young Married's class at church and kept Autumn with us (since she's still got a cold). She was very proud of saying "da-da" almost the whole time class was going :-) Then we went to Jordan's parents house for dinner and hung out there for a while. Autumn's starting to warm up to them a little bit more, but she's still not 100% sure about them...

I think I wrote enough for one entry. Wendesday is Autumn's 9 mth check-up. I will post more then!!! I'll post more pictures tomorrow too. Autumn needs my attention now ;-)

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Myrtle Beach (long overdue)

Our little vacation kind of started as a dream. Jordan was going fishing in the U.P. with some guys from church, leaving Autumn and myself home alone. Jen, my friend who lives in Myrtle Beach, and I were chatting about the possibility of coming out and visiting her. Conversation with the hubby and cheap round trip tickets later... Autumn and I were on our way to Myrtle Beach!!!

Autumn did better than expected! It was just under a 2 hour plane ride. I was hoping that she would take a nap, however, she didn't. She was very interested in the people around her, especially the nice gentleman sitting next to me! I was planning on nursing her during the take-off and the landing. However, she was not interested what-so-ever. So I'm glad I brought a bottle along with me to help her ears. She didn't complain, what a trooper! Ended up only taking a half hour nap the day we arrived. Getting her to bed at her normal time was a different story ;-)

Autumn and I had a blast!!! It was really great getting to know Jen (other than just online) and watching our little girls play together. Leah wasn't so sure about Autumn, but eventually warmed up a little bit by the end of the week. We did lots of things together. Went to the aquarium, which is by far the best aquarium EVER! Did some outlet shopping... Did I mention that I had to bring an extra carry-on for the flight home? ;-) We mostly just stayed home and played with the girls, watched home movies and did laundry (haha). It was exactly what I needed!!! I learned a lot about eating healthier and even lost 5 lbs while I was there!! Thank you Jen for allowing us to stay with your family and entertaining us all week!!! You're amazing :-D

One of those days we ended up going to the beach (a must when you're in Myrtle Beach). Autumn sat down on the hard sand, ended up taking a mouth-full of it and wanted nothing to do the with sand anymore. She would shake her arms and start whining until I put her on my lap, then she was happy. Then I took her over to the ocean and let her feel it with her feet. It was so nice and warm! Yeah, Autumn didn't like that much either! I don't blame her... That's one huge bathtub ;-)

Autumn tried a lot of new foods. She loved yogurt, however, yogurt didn't love her... She ended up getting super gassy and waking up several hours in the night. Definitely discontinued that right away. Autumn even stood up for a few seconds by herself! I can't believe how fast she's growing up.

I'm pretty sure I covered everything. That's what I get for waiting to long to make a post! So enjoy some pictures from our wonderful vacation!

Playtime with Leah and Autumn.


Autumn looking at the sharks.


Having fun!


Our girls!!!


Such a goofy face (enjoying yogurt).


So happy in mommy's lap!


Touching the ocean for the first time.


Windy day, silly girls and several pictures later... This is the best we could get!


Matching outfits!


Autumn climbed up here all by herself!!!


Girls enjoying some "play food" together.


She loved these wooden toys!


Distracting Autumn on our way home from Myrtle Beach.


Our view the whole plane ride home.


Reminds me of a song... "How Great is OUR GOD!"

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Go, go, go!

It's been a crazy life in the Baldwin family! Autumn is on the move... So watch out! I cannot leave for 2 seconds anymore. I went to put away my bowl from breakfast, I came back to the family room and she was GONE!!! Totally freaked. Where could she have gone!?!?! Started looking around the room, and she was hiding under one of my mom's old fashion desk/end tables that she has next to the couch. Sigh! This is only the beginning, I know it. She's already found her way into the kitchen. Realizing that there's more to life outside of the family room. Opened her first cupboard door and quickly shut it. Quite proud of herself :-) Definitely installing latches on the door ASAP!

It hasn't even been a month since Autumn started crawling and she's pulling herself up on everything. I found her Monday morning, after her first nap, standing up in her crib. Smiling from ear to ear! So glad I had my phone to quick take a picture. Autumn also loves crawling all over her mommy. Just when I thought I was regrowing all that hair I lost from the hormone changes... Autumn comes around and pulls herself up using my hair :-( Ouch! She's really been involving me in her play time. Showing me what she's playing with. Then she'll put it down and quickly crawl over to me.

To add to the craziness in this house, getting ready to visit Jen and Leah in Myrtle Beach is quickly approaching. Autumn and I leave Monday morning! It's hard enough for me to pack for myself, let alone Autumn!!! Her cloth diapers alone could take up a whole suitcase. I'm really praying for safe travel and that she won't make the 2 hour flight the worst flight of my life! I've only ever flown one other time and it wasn't pleasant for me. It was a very smooth flight, but I was super anxious the whole time and never ended up relaxing until we landed. So I pray that God will help me to remain calm and relaxed so that Autumn won't feel me anxiousness and get worried or upset. I'm probably freaking out over nothing, and it'll probably be a lot of fun, but I still worry :-) Because I can... HAHA!

This will also be a test for my parents while Autumn and I are gone! They've seen Autumn almost everyday since the day she was born. And now they won't be able to see her for a week. My mom's already hyperventilating... Tee hee! I told them that it's great practice for when we move out. Because even though I love my parents to death, having them over everyday will be a bit much ;-) My mom expects pictures everyday... So I better bring my battery charger!

Look at me standing up!


Autumn cuddling with her Grandma!


I love her eyebrow expression here!


Trying on her new swimsuit from Grandma!


Trying on her new swimsuit from mommy!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Short story

It's been a very long week. Autumn's still not sleeping very well. Last night I gave her some teething tablets, figured that it didn't hurt. And she slept almost 7 hours! I almost wonder if she is really teething. It's wearing me out pretty bad. She's still not set on her schedule like she was before she starting crawling. She officially dropped her last nap. So she's only down to two naps a day. On a good day, she'll sleep 2 hours. The last nap is always a struggle. If she's the slightest bit over tired or not tired enough, it's a battle to get her to sleep! Oh the joys of motherhood :-) Good thing I love her like crazy!

Speaking of crawling... Autumn is all over the place. She is on the go! Getting into anything and everything. She's pretty smooth at it now. Even crawls to me, Jordan and my mom. One evening, Jordan came home from work, super dirty. Autumn saw him and got super excited. Started crawling towards him and even cried a little bit when he tried to walk away to wash his hands. Just melted his heart! So he picked her up, dirty hands and all :-) How could you say no to that?

Autumn almost pulled herself up today too. She got up on her knees. I told her that she was growing up too fast and that she needed to stop. She didn't listen to me. I am so blessed to have Autumn in my life. She has taught me so much about my heart and God's love for me. The miracle of life is a wonderful thing. I just never thought I would blink and she'd be crawling already. Next walking... Then pre-school... Ok... I need to stop!

Recently started Autumn on cherrio puffs. She's doing a lot better than I expected with them. I still have to break them apart a little bit. Still a little big for her. But she eats them very well. Even used her two bottom teeth to crunch them. I put a few on her high chair table and she went to town. Still not doing so well with the pointer finger and the thumb, but she's learning. She gets them in her mouth. Sometimes. I just love watching her learn and observe. She's such a smart girl.

Autumn and I are going to be flying to Myrtle Beach at the end of this month to visit Jen and her little girl Leah! I'm SO excited and yes, a little nervous. I've only ever flown once in my life, not to mention that I'm bringing Autumn with me :-) Jordan will be fishing in the U.P. with a bunch of guys from church. And so I figured that Autumn and I needed a little vacation of our own. Found some really cheap tickets online. Really looking forward to spending some time with Jen and our girls! Any advice on traveling with a 8 month old would be very appreciated.

Last, but not least, Mother's Day!!! My first official Mother's Day was last Sunday. Autumn surprised me with a beautiful open hearts necklace in her crib when she woke up from her nap. Sneaky girl ;-) Like I said before (and I'll say it again a million times over) I am so blessed to have Autumn. She is such a wonderful surprise. I love watching her grow and learn and watch her personality come to life. Her bond with Jordan is growing so much and just warms my heart when she gets super excited to see him. He loves his little girl so much! I can't wait to expand our little family ;-)

My first Mother's Day!


Playing with Rudy.


How do I get this in my mouth?




Her newest thing... Tipping her head to the side.


Studying those cherrio puffs...